If you tell you’ll get in trouble! Is one of the many things an abuser(s) will tell their victim(s) in order to not get caught of their Wrong-doings. What a disgusting and horrible mind manipulation and form of misconception of proper behavior of what is expected of a child sexual abusers and or predators use. As unfolded in my prior blog (Not for me but for you) I mentioned how I was molested by my step father I was between the ages of 7-9 years old it happened twice to the best of my past recollections. At that age once again I started to feel and look at men in a certain way and since then my thoughts and my personal assumptions has passed and it has been set free I have healed from those scares and the mental anguish and traumatization it caused and I know I am blessed to overcome all those matters in all their aspects that come with the territory of being molested as a young child.
One day My mother who was now Ill battling with her first stages of cancer went to the kitchen to cook and finish her kitchen chores my step father/her live in boyfriend was Lying down in their bedroom watching the Spanish news and I was in my bedroom I came out my room and was going to the kitchen to be noisy of what my mother was up to as I was her tail as parents would say as I closed my room door behind me my step father called me when I walked to him and replied yes? He said he wanted to show me something I was too naive to suspect anyone of being harmful as any child I replied what do you want to show me ? He replied go under the covers and I’ll show you! Very innocently and respectfully I did just as I was told, to my discovery what he wanted to show me was his already fondled with penis I became confused as to why he was showing me his privet part as he told me to kiss it my childishly defenses and wall of innocence came up as I replied I’m telling and got away from him he replied with a devious smilish grin on his face and his eyes fulled with fear.. If you tell you’ll get in trouble! Who is your mother going to believe me an adult or young little girl? I walked away believing that I would because I felt I did something wrong never to tell anyone until many years later. Within time my mother became more sick eventually passing away and I never told her what had happened out of fear that I was going to get in trouble for doing something wrong and because I felt I would let her down and by this time like mentioned in my prior blog (Not for me but for you) I wanted to make my mother proud of everything I did which at that age was getting good grades and reports from school and be a good daughter/young lady.
One thing I learned from that chapter in my life was that people close to you or even strangers will harm you my view to the real world was surreal. I think I was ignorant regardless to age to ever think I did anything wrong if there is something we as victims or those who sadly will become victims is that we are never at fault of someone’s sick mental actions or threats. I should have opened my mouth the second He came at me regardless to what my mother was dealing with because I was just harming myself and risking myself to more danger by thinking I was protecting her by not telling her what had happened.
For anyone who is in or comes across a similar situation please speak up and tell someone The consequences of not doing so will harm and hurt you more then speaking up because it is not your wrong doing and most importantly please know
You will not get in trouble if you tell !