In an additional chapter of my last personal blog (My Life Froze) here is what I call Madre Mia!
It is very difficult to lose a parent especially a Mother at any age but imagine being a young girl? I heard the loud bangs on the door and when I opened a person announced frantically they just got reports your mother just passed!!! My Life that very second froze, I could remember inhaling but never exhaling, chills crawled all over me from head to toe, my thoughts went blank along with my eye site I couldn’t see anything, my heart dropped and everything including my world went dark as a blackout in a big city. I ran to the restroom my nerves and soul were shaking as I fell to the ground with tears running slowly down my face as I cried in silence because I couldn’t even speak. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t know what to think, all I could do was sit on the dark bathroom floor feeling lost, scared,confused,broken. What was seconds felt like an eternity in the bathroom floor I started to get flashbacks of my Mother everything she ever spoke to me about the good, the bad, I started to remember her saying There is a God! In those very moments I got on my knees and started praying I felt like I went to God himself and was having a conversation personally to were he had to hear me and make that moment just a bad dream that someone was going to knock on the bathroom door and tell me it’s a mistake she’s alive! I begged and pleaded and prayed until I started to get back my senses of acknowledgement. By now I know needed to get up and go see my Mother and confirm her passing myself… I don’t remember ever leaving the restroom I don’t even recall how I got to the hospital all i saw was my Mother’s siblings and nieces, nephews, etc standing outside the entrance door of the hospital I remember quickly walking passed everyone without saying a word, from one moment to the next I was in her floor walking faster and faster to her room door it felt like it was a never ending hallway as I saw my father now walking besides me asking me Now your crying ?! I remember in those very seconds my sister Sibling #6 replying to my father leave her alone! Even though I couldn’t see her anywhere around me or in the hallway As I’m approaching my mother’s room door in the time sister in law of my sibling #5 was standing at door of my mother’s room. I walked past her and saw a body covered from head to toe with the white hospital bedsheets I stood by the right side of the body. I have no remembrance of what happened in those very seconds.
I just felt like i was walking in an eternity of hell and that is exactly what it was. Before I witnessed before my eyes my sister Sibling #6 was standing across from me as I still haven’t confirmed who’s body was there under the white sheets because still at this time I didn’t accept the reality or wanted to believe the hard pill of the that we all must swallow called the pill of the truth! I remember asking my sister Sibling #6 to remove the sheet off the dead bodies face and she replying eeeww No! I immediately got raged and said That is your mother! How can you be afraid of your mother you stupid Bitch! As I myself pulled the sheet off my mother’s face, the room and my world became silent again as I stared at my mother’s beautiful face as she seemed to just be sleeping peacefully, I recalled my sister in law comforting me as she rubbed my back as I kissed my mother on her head and touched her chest to feel what I once heard and felt of her heartbeat, as in those very moments a doctor walked in telling or asking us that it is now time to leave I remember turning away from my mother’s dead now pale corpse and physically jumping across the room towards the doctor to attack him as my sister in law grabbed me and held me back as she dragged me to the hallway, I kept walking with no sense of where I was going or with who I was going with I remember going outside the hospital and getting in my Siblings brother #5 car and sitting there staring into space. Thinking to myself Querida Madre Mia! (My dear Mother!)