They say the true meaning of the path of life is to stay true to yourself, yet always be open to learn, No one saves us but ourselves, that fear limits you and your vision, In our path be beautiful & let us not ask where it leads. And lastly to truly believe that everything that we do and everyone that we meet is put in our path for a purpose and everything that happens in our paths are lessons not only for us to learn but maybe to teach in the future paths. With that being lived or walked better said I will share this To every dark path there is light and Vice versa.
So, to continue where I last left off where my step father molested me and how I overcame and now my mother was actively dying, in one of my prior blogs titled (If you tell you’ll get in trouble) ….
At the time After experiencing molestation twice I can give God the ultimate praise that even though certain situations happen to me it didn’t get worst meaning it didn’t form into rape at seven years old or so I didn’t even think of it after it occurred today at almost forty-one I see things always having a positive to a negative even though I went through what I did I feel today that someone else had it worst call me crazy but it keeps me grounded and that’s what has kept me sane all these years. Anywho’s after experiencing that life went back to normality in some sort becoming a new aunt with the birth of my nephew, witnessing and remembering my siblings move on out the house to be with their own families. I remember when a house filled with many became empty with three myself my mother and step father oh and a pet dog that belonged to one of my older sisters.
In that time I remember my mother’s health declining slowly at that age I remember having to and most importantly wanting to help her just sit up on her bedside before helping to stand on her feet which lead to her being dependent to an adult walker which followed to her not being able to walk much less move her body she was like a complete vegetable. Many people will beg to defer of what I saw & had to and again choose to do but I guess that’s their personal guilt behavior to defer and deny when all in truths when it comes to children they remember everything to a tee simply because children are like sponges they absorb everything they see and hear much more everything they lived! And I’ll leave that at just that! Having and choosing to help my mother in her worst of times,dying times I found myself more alone then ever facing the reality that my mother my protector was leaving this world and never coming back that I would never see her again I always wondered who was going to take care of me? That was when I was seven years old already having my nephew in my home he was born there and my mother’s favorite grandson and at to tell all truths my sister really didn’t want her new born son ever while pregnant or even after birthing him c-section while pregnant she attempted to miscarry in one way or another taking a so called miscarrying pill they called (corta) back in the 80’s that is and i remember her sitting at the kitchen table drinking one of those pills chasing it with a Spanish soft drink called (Malta) I remember when he came home he was three days old and she wanted to throw him out the third floor window.
To this day he still doesn’t know about his mother’s true feelings for him so anyway my mother kept him even though she was dying and really couldn’t take care of him much less me that I was seven and still needed someone to cook my meals and help me bathe do homework take me to school etc.. but life went on as it was something normal I guess in a way that was a normal life.
It was a part of my once dark path!