In a continuation – of Querida Madre Mia! (My last personal story)
I stood staring into space thinking of my dear mother, And before I knew it, it was the day of her funeral we had to be there at 7pm. I walked inside the funeral home and without anyone’s direction i walked to the exact room where her body was placed for her wake. I opened the door and saw so many empty chairs, flowers coming out of everywhere, As I walked down the aisle I laid my eyes on The light greyish casket opened where my mother laid with her hands folded wearing a baby light blue dress. I walked faster to her once I got to her I stepped on the footstool to get to her, I kissed her and asked her for her blessing as I caressed her cold pale still face. I couldn’t think of anything at all because inside I knew I would never see her again so I stared at her in pure sadness and feeling completely lost asking myself within at times where am I going to go when you get buried? She never gave me the answer that I foolishly and child’s mentality wanted to receive. Shortly after there were some people (friends & family) that rubbing my back as they came up to my mother’s casket to pay their respects to her, since I didn’t move away from her side from the moment I opened those doors until the funeral director was shutting off the funeral parlor for the night.
Some people cried, some people chatted away, some just reunited with others it was all like the world around me was turning faster and faster, while I stand still next to my mother, it felt like I was looking at the world around me from warp zone or something. Nevertheless I didn’t really care or gave it much attention my focus was on my mother, the hours spent with her felt like moments there wasn’t enough time spent with her. The entire time next to her touching her caressing her I was deep down waiting for her to comfort me as she always did, I was so lost without any knowledge of what was going to be of me, where was I going to go, who was going to take care of me, since no one really watched over me or took care of my every need as a child not even close to how my mother did or even with the parent guidance every child needs at the age I was.
I went through so many emotions and lessons all at once my emotions were from being sad because my mother wasn’t speaking to me not even spiritually one way or another I wanted her to connect with me to tell me reassure me that she was there with me, but I got nothing. My sadness became to anger to everyone because they weren’t proving to the world their real true love for her as she always once did for them it was like nothing happened to everyone. Which lead me to learn to lose respect for people something my mother taught me and all my siblings 1-8 was respect! Everyone let me down, there’s where I learned that there is no greater love then the love of a mother. I learned that no one in the world would ever love me as much as my mother did. And right there my mind,heart and soul said I want my mommy!