A continuation of the prior personal post (Goodbye means Forever)
Leaving the main gates of the cemetery I learned Immediately that Goodbye surely meant forever. My mind was blank but still knowing that even though I had many siblings I was like an orphan, since the age of five since he hardly ever returned to visit or spend time with me and so our acknowledgment of each other as father and daughter never grew into a bond or a relationship ever. So never to have a father and now I was left with no mother. What was I to do? Is all that went through my mind. Even though I had siblings they all seemed as they were all to roaming the world just as lost or just overlooked the matters, most of them landed in drugs and alcoholism so they really didn’t make the time to care for me even though to the entire world it seemed as they did. (It’s one thing living in a room and there’s another thing looking through the window of that room) which is why I always say no one can ever tell me in manipulation of what I lived behind closed doors they saw what they did through a window. Per-say.
While my mother was in the hospital I was already being introduced to the streets due to lack of parental guidance but then again one of my parents was actively dying In a hospital and the other was following their own toxic life. So not that I’m pointing fingers or blaming anyone I understand they too were dealing with their own thing.
In the myths of all I learned what smoking marijuana drinking hard liquor & beer and by now I’m smoking cigerettes which wasn’t even the worst thing yet since now I’m jumping from house to house being taused like a ball back and forth I felt unwanted and unloved overall like a burden to anyone I would say hello to with since distant family members were not opened armed at all. But that didn’t make me bitter it make me more mature and want to become independent of myself because that’s the only choice and option I had. But for a female child that was easier to think than to do.