A Story continuation of the prior post (Concrete Jungle) 

Before even my mother passing I was already failing in my academics, school wasn’t really on my mind since I already in my mind was saying I’m learning the biggest lesson the world can give a child which was not having a parent around after my father had to leave and technically left.  I still had my mother and while she was in the hospital that was the hardest thing to live with day in and out not having her. I was parent less. While she was in the hospital the one way to not think right stress myself from her not being there was to go to the streets in search of God knows what , I guess independency or just answers , a family! Since when the one I had were all dealing with their own personal life’s and families dealing with our mother in the hospital activity dying slowly their addictions to Coke – crack – alcohol just as I was dealing with mine since by now i was drinking 40’s and smoking Marijuana in any form of intake.

Roaming the streets into the early mornings ,sleeping in the hallways as my sibling #6 would leave me locked out from early in the day which lead me to not go back to sleep at their house, Slept on rooftops , roof staircases , subway trains , slept and spent endless hours and days in Bodegas back rooms where drugs were cooked packed and  distributed from, which is how I made all the funds needed to buy me Chinese food to feed myself ,clothes to dress myself because my sibling #6 refused to give me my clothing but would make fun of me to my friends how I look and am a bum wearing the same clothes for days. As if they wouldn’t tell me when they lent me jackets or blankets when the temperatures were coming down. Even though I had handful of people who I can truly call friends that offered me a bed to sleep even if behind their guardians / parents back I always gratefully and lovingly declined as I didn’t want them to get in trouble and I felt it wasn’t their problem if I didn’t have a place to live or was without that was my problem that I had to handle and take care of in any given form.

Selling drugs in front of my friends mothers house, robbing girls from street crews for their bamboo earrings at knife point or sometimes just take with no involvement of weapons  sleeping in the cemetery were my mothers body rests always made me feel safe and at times felt alone.( That’s one cold place to sleep ) Riding the subway train just to get heat and sleep I would ride the train until the last stop many times has the conductor woken me up, there I would walk to the other end of the train and wait until it was ready to start running again so I can sleep another 40 minutes. Going to night clubs and strip clubs to sell drugs wasn’t easy everyone saw and looked at me as the child I was which lead me to have several  altercations & fights even to gain my respect otherwise they would’ve robbed me for the only thing I at the time had to survive. I refused for that to ever happen. God was most definitely on my side through it all. Many times I robbed other drug dealers many times I’ve seen the nose of a gun pointed between my eyes but I always stood tall and never showed any signs of fear even though I was a wreck inside and sometimes I was just emotionless I wanted to die and i figured them pulling that trigger would take me out of the misery of a life I had.

Staying from house to house one with only two siblings #5 & #6 once staying with sibling #5 I went out with who I thought were two male  friends i didn’t trust them since by this time I trusted no one I convinced them to pick up my female cousin & we were taking to a park near by one of the males went off with my cousin and I was raped by the other male only to go back to my siblings #5 home in uncontrolled and mentally lost in so many emotions and got beaten because my pants and long shirt was covered in blood I ran upstairs to the tub washed myself as my sister in law tried to calm me and console me for at this time she knew I was raped, I ended up forcefully running out the door now going to hunt down these two males seeking revenge and payback! I’ve been asked to prostitute even from a a mafia old head he held young girls hostage in a home and they were sex slaves I declined his offer because even though I did think about it thinking the money was going to be right I heard my mothers voice I don’t know what she said but her spirit held me from accepting that mans offer. I would have been dead or found overdosed with drugs let i have.  

Life wasn’t easy but I made the best out of it and I always took responsibility for my actions life knocked me down repeatedly time and time again but I always found a way to get back up. I guess it’s true what they say if you can survive in New York you can survive anywhere. 

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