Sadly having to admit the truthful facts that there are horrific parents out there, who do horrible things to their children such as dumping them over bridges, dumpsters, brutality abusing them to death, And that’s just to name a few and to point out the differences of toxicities. Being a horrific parent would be in the top of toxic levels.
Toxic levels of parenting do exist, but some parents don’t want to admit or realize that sometimes loving and caring your child(ren) can be toxic! How so ? Let me explain there are some adults that are in their 30’s and still depend on their parents to support them. And there’s nothing wrong with a little help from our parents of course , who doesn’t need a helping hand ever once in a while ?, But when it becomes a long term habit or a lifestyle an overall lifetime dependency, there’s where it has become a toxic hand that the parent has extended to their adult child. All for the sake and care of lending a hand. Not to say don’t care for your children, but as parents learn to stay No! When your adult child is Able of actually helping themselves in some situations.. As parents you know the strengths and abilities that your child can and can’t proform in life.
(Example) If your 30 year old adult child has children and has employment and is consistently asking the parent(s) for funds to provide school supplies and clothing for their children, It is Not your responsibility as a grandparent to provide such support. And by saying No! Isn’t going to make you a bad parent , you’ll actually be helping your adult child become more dependent knowing that mom and dad aren’t going to support their children, And by saying Yes! You’ll provide the funds or supplies etc, overall taking on the responsibilities for your grandchildren , Is being a toxic caring and loving parent. How so ? By doing so your disabling your adult child from becoming independent and responsible as an adult. Your not teaching your adult child what life would be like if your not there for them to ever come to the rescue. Let’s face it parents one day will expire leaving those adult children behind to know the dependencies and responsibilities of life . As a parent have you ever thought what would my adult child’s life would be like the day you are gone ? Well I can answer that for you, If your adult child is dependent on the parents for every situation in thier life such as paying rent/ mortgage/ paying car note/ insurance/ habits, providing food, providing gas money , providing spending money etc: then when you are long and gone your adult child won’t know what to do or know how to provide for themselves and much less their own families. And who wants that for our children ?
The parents duties, responsibilities are to provide such life knowledge by teaching the child from a young age, responsibilities and dependency for when they become adults they can hold down their own lives and their families . The parents duties , responsibilities are not to provide the children from a young age to adult aged , excuses of growth etc:.
Now don’t feel bad for holding your ground as a parent when saying No! Sometimes your adult child will call to ask or at this time demand or tell you how much funds you have to send them this week to Help them, If you Have been raising your child under these habits since young then expect immaturity behaviors from your adult child when you say No! They’ll probably even disrespect you over the phone and tell you things to make you feel as a bad parent /grandparent (example) “I’m gonna be homeless if you don’t pay my rent/mortgage” /“you don’t care if your grandchildren have clothes,food” Don’t fall into the trap ! You must remember this is a habit like a drug that your adult child is used to receiving whenever however they want and as, for it. And if you say No! Your adult child will even demand it from you . Still don’t fall into the trap . You want to be a good parent not a toxic one .. When your child is young and you tell your child no they can’t have candy before dinner your providing good parenting lessons by saying no candy before dinner your teaching your child discipline,control over urges… If you give in a give that candy before dinner then your teaching them no self control Which will lead to destruction later on in teenagehood and or adulthood because not having self control taught as a young child leads to bad adult decisions.
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