When it comes to parents , It seems as all the attention and focus goes to the mother’s, yes mothers play many and major roles in their children’s life’s , but so do fathers even the absent fathers , play big roles without even being there. How’s that ? Well speaking from experience I know first hand the importance it is of a girl having and needing a father figure, a role model. From my own experience not having my father since the age of 5 when my parents separated as I explained in the article titled September . For starters the short time I had my father in my life which were for the first five years of my life as explained, it made me look at males , men in a different prospective, witnessing my father be abusive towards my mother at times lead me to think that was normal , witnessing my mother stand up for herself taught me to be just as, with her characteristics, witnessing my father having father and child relationship with my other siblings and not me also made me not only look at him a certain way but all men in general. Not saying any of the things I learned with my absent father weren’t good lessons because for starters By my father having to be absent in my life was a choice he chose as I clearly remember my mother never denying him visitations, so from my adolescence to my adult years I learned that if anyone wants to be in your life they will no matter what the circumstances. I learned that it wasn’t only his fault that he abused my mother even though she stood up and protected herself at times it taught me that a woman has choices that she can take besides standing up for herself because even that becomes old, not implying women should be abused in any form from anyone. By my father being absent I learned that all men aren’t the same, I learned that I didn’t want a man figure like him to be the father of my own children someday or husband , those were the good lessons I learned from not having my father in my life. I’m sure many other now woman who also lived without a father can relate. The effects of not having a father in a girls life can go in so many ways Some girls now woman could be living thinking that their own children don’t need a father their which is the obvious that the circle of not having a male figure doesn’t have to be there. Which is not all true , even though many girls that grow into woman have done exceptionally well without a father figure many others are in much need of a male figure which is why so many have men issues because they can’t even have a normal relationship with a man without needing him to be a father figure to them . And the male partner isn’t there to be a father to his girlfriend or wife , so that’s one bad thing that comes out of not having a father for most women .
I know many people who have had their fathers in their lives and the effects are two worlds apart. Those active fathers actually and there are actual studies that prove the different effects of those who do . They feel this feeling of safety that the ones without father don’t ever feel , comfort , and overall having that male figure who’s your friend. Their father becomes their hero, these women end up even marriying the same type of man their father are, characteristics wise. It’s so important to be in your daughters lives even though some daughters don’t want to bother with their father due to whatever perosnal childish reasons or being upset of the marital status or past situations of their parents which isn’t none of our business as children that we are no matter the age we carry.
Going down memory lane here my father was one to least be forgiven for his mistakes he committed in his past in the relationship with my mother his once wife and mother of his children , but i remember calling mends with him putting my own personal feelings about him to the side because at the end no matter how much I wanted to deny and accept he was my father overall because I was angry at him for abusing my mother a,most to death not once but twice , never forgetting the scene of my mother fighting for her life due to my fathers mistakes , I remember when I became an adult mentally already having two children of my own and being 23 years old I woke up one day asking myself who am I to judge him ? Who am I to punish him ? That’s when I decided to give him a call even if he turned me down and pushed me away I didn’t give up lucky I didn’t because we eventually had a relationship not of or like a father and daughter should but at least of two people who have recognition that I’m his daughter and he was my father. We actually got to spend time and talk I asked questions as to why he did so many things I even now as an adult can’t forget and he answered them I didn’t get the father I would have always wanted but i got closure and that was all I needed to be able to move on with my life. As I’m sure he was able to pass away peacefully knowing that he told his dark secrets and mistakes to someone who he had failed as a father yet respected as a man.